Men Huddle / Former NFL QB Jeff Kemp Inspires Men to Win at Life Through Friendship

Feb 16

Many symptoms in our troubled society point to a need for a revival of men and benevolent masculinity. Too many men, young and old, feel isolated. Siloed, stressed, pressured – without connection and direction they wander and detour through life, failing to fulfill their God-given purpose. Some drift into depression and addiction. Others withdraw and remain physically or emotionally absent from their wives and children. According to the Survey Center on American Life, 76% of men don’t have a close and trusted friend with whom they can share.

Former NFL quarterback, author and leader for families Jeff Kemp wants to turn the tide. He inspires men with a simple message: Friendship is the way of Jesus. He believes men need a team to support them on their journey to be the husband, father, and leader they aspire to be. That team starts with a few close friendships that support his identity as a son of the perfect Father.

“I want a couple friends who are aligned in the way of Jesus on my team day in and day out, and I want to be that for them,” he said. Not surprisingly, he uses terminology from his years on the playing field noting, “A man, like a quarterback, can’t get anything done without a team.”

Alone, a man is easily influenced by false measures of his identity. Jeff mentioned men traditionally have defined their worth by their performance on the ballfield, in the bedroom, and by how much is in their billfold. More recently, in an age of image and social media, a fourth false marker, a fourth “B” has been introduced: their brand.

It is not until a man realizes his worth comes solely from being called a son of God that he is able to set aside constant striving for achievements and accolades, Jeff explained. A man who knows his place in God’s kingdom will be able to stop seeing work as his greatest accomplishment and focus on the relationships that are his alone — husband to his wife and father to his children — God-given roles that no one can fulfill but him. Developing the self-awareness and ability to commit to those roles is where the support of teammates comes in.

“We have to break the isolation that’s killing men of all backgrounds,” Jeff said. “Jesus turned 12 dudes into friends. Discipleship was never meant to be separated from friendship.

“I want to give men a vision for their identity, friendship team, and mission to make life better for others,” Jeff said. “The purpose of manhood is to steward life and make it better for others, to strongly protect and support the vulnerable. But you need good core team relationships to be a good husband, father and influence. Life change is sustained in teamwork. You need deep friends to keep you self-aware and honest. Leaders especially need consistent friendship because they are prone to isolation and blind spots.”

Groups can learn more about Jeff’s philosophy and invite him to speak at MENHUDDLE.com and JeffKempTeam.com. There people can also access his free, downloadable Playbook to learn how to develop friendships and create a team. Click the link here (MEN HUDDLE QuickStart PLAYBOOK) for a free copy.

“When men build a brotherhood, a small huddle of trusted friends who share every aspiration and confess any struggle or sin, our insecurities, doubts and limitations fall away,” he wrote. The Playbook is just one resource found at MEN HUDDLE the equipping ministry Jeff formalized in 2020 to provide resources to help men find their identity, purpose and brotherhood. MEN HUDDLE is “the point of spear” for Jeff’s calling in life. One of the concepts MEN HUDDLE unpacks is Level Five Friendship — one that “adds a purposeful commitment to process life together and consistently connect or meet. Level Five Friends disclose struggles, pray for each other, confess sins, erase secrets, stay accountable, and pull each other closer to Jesus and our Abba Father,” he explained.

Level Five Friendships will change not just the men involved, they can energize an entire church.

“What if every single church from 30 members to 30,000 reinvented ‘Men’s Ministry’ to mean ministry with men in friendship?” he asked. “Envision every church having a natural, viral DNA of friendship among men, encouraging them to meet weekly and deeply with two best friends. Pretty soon men’s involvement, husbanding, fathering, every ministry would flourish if we had the baseline of men who are committed to real and deep friendships huddling together. That’s the vision. It’s something simple. It doesn’t require a budget or event scheduling,” he added. “A Level Five Friendship changes your life.”

What exactly is huddling or a huddle? Jeff describes the practice of a man committing to meet regularly with a couple other men as they grow and enjoy Level Five Friendship.

“A Men’s Huddle is a tight group of three to four friends meeting weekly to help each other. They feel accepted and supported as they process their lives together and improve as men,” he writes in the Playbook. These friends will be a confidential sounding board, Jeff added, where a man can self-disclose temptations or areas of struggle.

Characteristics of a Huddle:

Consistent Meeting— A weekly frequency and dependability is powerful and protective.

Defined Purpose—We grow closer to Christ and one another. The huddle helps us overcome past mistakes or wounds and become the men He invites us to be.

Confidential—The huddle is a safe, judgment-free place to discuss and pray about the most important things going on in our lives.

Transformative— The huddle is where we're transparent about the past and vulnerable about right now. It's built for encouragement - open disclosure, confession, and self-awareness so we can grow.

Fun—A tight-knit team enjoying true friendship, laughter, and support.

In the Huddle men will share.

1) What’s the most important thing for you to talk about?

2) What’s not going well, struggles or temptations, and stumbles or any questions for God?

3) How can we pray for you?

4) What’s Father God saying to you from his Word? (This points us back to God’s foundation of truth.)

“When men build a brotherhood, a small huddle of trusted friends who share every aspiration and struggle—our insecurities, doubts, and limitations fall away. We are stronger together than alone.”

— Jeff Kemp

“You are strategic in business or sports, be strategic in friendship. It’s awesome,” Jeff said. But where to start? How can a man move from isolation to relationship? Men aren’t known for being fond of sitting around and talking about their feelings, so how does a guy even get the conversation off the ground? Start by calling a trusted friend this week and asking him what’s important in his life and how you can pray for him. Call him weekly for several weeks and do the same with another buddy. That will pave the way to start huddling together.

The basic steps listed in the Playbook:

1) Choose teammates

2) Define the Huddle (using the Playbook so everyone is on the same page)

3) Chose a time and place

4) Be consistent

Jeff suggests (after all agreeing to keep everything discussed confidential to instill trust) the initiator start by telling his life story at the first Huddle meeting. The next week, the second guy tells his story. Jeff noted a natural starting place to inspire deeper conversation is to ask about a man’s relationship with his father.

The Playbook also includes a Self X-Ray to help a man become more self-aware. He can rate how faithful, healthy and strong he feels he is in the following areas: God, Wife, Family, Personal, Temptations and Risks, Work Career, Kingdom Influence. His weekly answers, and examples from his life they spark, will serve as authentic conversation starters.

Back on the Field

Jeff spent 11 years playing quarterback with various teams in the NFL. In 1983 he married his wife, Stacy, with whom he’s now shared 39 years and raised four sons. During the early years of marriage, Jeff and Stacy realized while they both were blessed with strong leadership skills, “our differences hit us hard,” Jeff said.

What they did have going for them was their strong Christian faith and commitment to their marriage. While the life of a professional athlete does introduce challenges, it also brought great ministry support and resources. Jeff had the opportunity to develop close friendships with teammates and mentors like George Andrews, Steve Largent, Eugene Robinson and Reggie White. The couple also had access to resources like the ProAthletes outreach conference, where Jeff was exposed to Christian teaching on marriage from experts like Gary Smalley and Tony Evans. Others like Bruce Wilkinson, Emerson Eggerichs, Paul Tripp and Bill Doherty have impacted them.

The Kemps began sharing what they were learning with other couples from the team, neighborhood and church – eventually leading young married Bible studies. Jeff joked that their pastor said they were ideal to lead because, “If you can stay married, anyone can.”

Jeff and Stacy were already connected to Focus on the Family, and after he retired from the gridiron, they began to work with family supporting organizations to change the culture of the community and strengthen marriages. Their involvement led Jeff to create non-profit Stronger Families, a Northwest based organization that unites churches and community organizations in support as they encourage marriage. Much of their work promoted the value of pre-marital preparation and recruited churches to collectively sign community marriage agreements establishing common standards for marital preparation, enrichment and support.

During his 18 years leading Stronger Families, 45 communities and thousands of churches throughout the Northwest committed to community marriage agreements. Jeff began speaking more extensively to men about marriage and fatherhood and the role churches play and began connecting with like-minded champions on the national level. He wrote a book, Facing the Blitz: Three Strategies for Turning Trials into Triumphs, in 2015 that detailed lessons learned on and off the field as he and Stacy overcame marriage challenges and learned to live in harmony with each other.

He was part of the Marriage and Family Foundation’s Marriage Commission, then in 2012 he and Stacy went on staff with FamilyLife for five years equipping churches to use FamilyLife resources. He and Stacy are speakers for the Weekend to Remember Marriage Getaways. He also serves as Fatherhood Ambassador and on the board of Fatherhood CoMission, a convening organization that inspires leaders and influencers to champion fatherhood and God’s design for dads. The Fatherhood CoMission connects more than 200 different ministries and organizations to reach millions of dads and children. They collaborate and combine channels to include media, research, insights on fatherhood, event speakers and resources found at www.FatherhoodCoMission.com.

Jeff found speaking to men to be his sweet spot, connecting and coaching men in an approachable way. “I understand most guys don’t want to go to a marriage conference,” he said. “I try to shatter that fear and come across as real.

“I use a lot of sports metaphors when I talk about marriage to men,” he said. “I remind them the most important team is your wife and you. She’s not your enemy – she’s your teammate. Satan is the enemy, your schedule is the enemy, over-loving your career is your enemy. Team up with your wife against the enemy. Your identity needs to be as the son of Father God and not in your career. Relationships define us better than our performance. The central part of manhood is being a husband and father.”

“No matter who I speak to, I want to leave behind something that can sustain life change — and that’s teamwork — Level Five Friendship and huddling,” he added. As a quarterback playing for four different NFL teams, Jeff experienced plenty of surprising situations. He uses the football concept of a blitz — a play where the opposition rushes in to try to knock the quarterback to the ground — to describe the opportunity found in dangerous crises and troubles. “It’s Jesus’ paradigm for turning the brokenness and bad of the world into what the Father uses for good,” he said.

He describes a concept he calls the Receive Principle. Like Jesus, we first receive our identity from the Father and then guidance on how to live our lives purposefully in the way God planned. Jeff’s learned to invite God to be in charge of his life and ask how he should handle the hard things, including the blitzes. Jeff created a simple pattern he suggests men replicate.

“First thing when you wake up, don’t turn on your phone, your Ipad or sprint to the gym. Give yourself five minutes of quiet time to sit with your Father God and say thank you. ‘Thank You that You’ve adopted me as a son. Thank You that You sent Jesus to die for me. Thank You for Your approval, for Your love. Thank You that You’ve given me a calling.’

Jeff Kemp

“I’m the only husband my wife has, the only father my kids have. I want help living that way. ‘Father, I want to receive Your guidance, Your inspiration, Your game plan all day long.’” If you take a few minutes to do this, your day is already calibrated in the right direction, he explained. “When men build a brotherhood, a small huddle of trusted friends who share every aspiration and struggle—our insecurities, doubts, and limitations fall away. We are stronger together than alone.”

Jeff considers himself an ambassador for men’s friendship, brotherhood and fatherhood. Don’t walk alone – team up with Jeff Kemp. Develop Level Five Friendships and form a Huddle. Let a former NFL QB teach you some plays to win at the game of life.